Ladies, are you dating? Are you hoping to have a long-term relationship? Some of you may recall growing up imagining getting married, having a wedding, and living happily ever after. Wouldn’t happily ever after be perfect? Well, that’s not reality, unfortunately. If that’s what you’re thinking get that out of your mind now! Also, ladies, stop thinking you’re going to meet the perfect guy. He will have flaws, just like you.
Word to wise, ladies don’t let your daughters watch those Disney movies thinking there’s a Prince Charming who’s going to sweep them off their feet. It’s not real! What Disney fails to do is show what happens after the marriage.
Typically the characters get married and then the credits start rolling. Happily ever after! Yeah right. Problems will be knocking on your door. I don’t know one couple yet that hasn’t been tested. Remember the enemy hates marriage and wants you to fail. God has a design for family and the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Okay single ladies! Here are some of my recommendations if you are seeking a long-term relationship. And hopefully, that long-term relationship will turn into marriage.
*Disclaimer my audience is primarily women, but men these tips can help you too.*
1. Be Confident in Yourself
Be confident in your body, with your hair, your style, etc. When that guy sees you he needs to see your inner and outer beauty.
If your goal is to be in a relationship, be confident in what you bring to the table. You can let him know you got it going on without being cocky. I don’t think a man wants to compete with a woman. A real man wants someone he can build with.
2. Believe That You Will Find Him
You have to believe that you will find him and/or he will find you. You can’t be out here doubting. You know, saying, “There aren’t any good men”. That’s not the energy you want to put in the atmosphere.
3. Pray That You Will Meet Him
If you desire to be in a relationship or to be married, talk to God about it. Cast your cares on him. Like the song says, “Call Him up and tell Him what you want”. It will happen at the right time. And it may not be according to your timeline!
4. Be Open To Trying New Things
I’m not saying be open to things or ideas that go against your morals. What I’m suggesting is to get out of your comfort zone. If you’ve never ridden on a boat before and that’s something your guy likes to do, try it. Most times when you say, “I don’t do that”, is because you’ve never been exposed to it or you’ve never tried.
5. Explore Other Ways To Meet Men
I know all things are possible to those who believe. However, it will be very rare that Mr. Right will literally come knocking at your door. To a certain degree, I think men today aren’t “seeking” like they used to. With that being said, try speed dating, online dating, or even approaching a guy. It won’t hurt. I didn’t say propose, that might be going too far for me. Some other dating apps that you can try are: BLK, Hinge, eHarmony, OkCupid, and even Facebook. I’ve seen several ladies say they’ve gotten married or have success with a long-term relationship on those apps.
In case you didn’t know, I have the gift of helping folks find a mate. Most times it has worked out to the point where the couples have gotten married. My latest couple is getting married this October! I remember crying when my girl told me she said yes! Ladies don’t give up hope. Your guy is out there!
6. Position Yourself To Be Found
Look presentable at all times. Flash that smile sometimes. Men are visual. I’m not saying have makeup and heels on every day. Just don’t go out in public with clothes that you clean your house in. If you work out, have on something that matches. For those dating online, have a nice profile pic of yourself.
7. Know What Qualities You’re Looking For
Write down/type what you’re looking for. Perhaps it’s someone respectful, employed, relationship with God, etc. Ask the potential mate about long-term and short-term goals. Now depending on the age hopefully the major goals have been achieved such as owning a home or at least leasing an apartment or home. Knowing what you want in a long-term relationship is crucial. If you don’t don’t know what you want, you may accept anything.
8. Don’t Play Mind Games
Be honest. Treat the guy in your life like you want to be treated. Do you want someone lying to you? If you are genuinely not interested don’t waste valuable time. If you are interested don’t play around and act like you aren’t. That’s childish. If your potential mate has a behavior that offends you, let him know. Don’t pretend that it’s okay. You’re just hurting yourself in the long run.
9. Stop Focusing On Your Type
Remember no one is perfect. There’s no such thing as the perfect guy. I know many of us ladies want the guy who is 6 feet tall, handsome, athletic build, nice, attentive, thoughtful, etc. Well, your forever guy probably won’t have all of those qualities and you have to be okay with that. Keep in mind he may have desired someone curvy, nurturing, loves kids, cooks like a chef, dresses up frequently, and is a frugal shopper. You may be none of those things, but there are other great qualities that he chooses to adore.
10. Don’t Settle
Y’all remember the late great R&B legend Betty Wright had a song where one of the lines says, “A piece of man is better than no man”? Um, I beg to differ! That is nonsense. I can’t believe the baby boomer generation believed that. Don’t pour your heart into a man who isn’t meeting your needs. If you’re not a priority, you don’t need to be with him.
11. Identify Deal Breakers
Identify your deal breakers. If it’s children, atheists, smoking, etc, I don’t think you should settle. You can’t change anyone unless they want to change. I believe issues like these could lead to strong arguments which could leave you miserable.
12. No Romance Without Finance
You got to have a J-O-B to be with me! I’ve said this since I was a teenager. Before I got married the guys that I dated had at least two jobs. If I’m working you have to work too. The man’s role is to provide. How can he provide without a job/career? I don’t know how girls and women can date men without a job.
Also, it takes some form of money to date. When dating your money is your money. Your boyfriend should have no access to it. If he doesn’t have the money for a meal, flowers, etc you know he is going to struggle to get you an engagement ring. If you want struggle love, have at it. I don’t recommend it.
13. Men Fear Rejection Too
What I’ve learned is that the most macho man doesn’t like to be rejected. Men aren’t robots. They may not wallow in their feelings like us women, but they are human and have feelings too.
14. Leave The Baggage
Don’t bring baggage from the last relationships. That’s not the new guy’s responsibility to resolve those issues. Let go of whatever it is you need to let go so you can move on.
15. Be Considerate
It’s not all about you when you’re in a long-term relationship. It takes considering the other person’s feelings, wants, and needs as well as compromising when you disagree.
Are you ready to put in the work? A long-term relationship takes work. Go ahead and do your homework now, so you will be ready when love comes your way.